Ilham Aliyev passed through Barda the other day – for several days before they tossed paint on walls and swept some – moved dead animals – the day of all streets were closed – the cops drove around in their VW’s yelling on their loud speakers – finally he arrived – he passed through the main part of town with about 15-20 other big black tinted windowed SUV’s and several cops, going about 90 miles and hour – leaving the people on the street to dig the freshly swept dirt out or their eyes that the entourage had slung at them
I know of one family of Jehovah’s Witnesses in Barda – though there could be more – but I doubt many. Technically Azerbaijan is open religiously. I was told during soviet times no one was really religious but after the fall they just sort of became religious again – Evidently the mother of the family was just brought into the polis station and basically threatened and told she could/should not practice – She was very upset and said she would not change – I asked why – they did not know exactly why she was brought in – as there is no law – but thought that maybe the cops were looking for a bribe – this particular women refused to pay bribes.
My brother has a weird love for ice – he just carries it around and plays with is – maybe it has to do with the fact he is not allowed to eat it. Ice makes you sick
They say the Rain Forest is drying up and burning – good job world
What has the world come to when Monks can be beaten, murdered, imprisoned and chased from their homes – what has the world come to when things are so crazy that the Monks feel the need to take to the street – Ask Burma
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Sunday, January 13, 2008
its not so bad
I have been at site for a little over 3 months – the first 6months are supposed to be adjustment - figuring out what to do – and it turns out getting over my own disillusionment and frustrations and actually finding what I can do – I think this is why so many volunteers here are so negative –I was really surprised when I got here – everyone was so dispassionate, unhappy , I though god –well I think I see some - many are just disillusioned –this is nothing like they expected when they thought "hey Ill join the Peace Corps" Its not anything like I expected, but the thought of turning out as bitter as so many people here makes me cringe, seems like a wast – I just have to learn to take a completely different outlook – set new goals, get a new plan and vision, to be happy working at a different level
Here is a very simplified list of the countries problems –
a. the authoritative male dominated Culture that undermines and undervalues women
b. laziness and lack of self determination and personal responsibility for ones own future
c. The government and political system
So - a – how do you change a culture, slowly – alright – it is frustrating and discouraging as well as occasionally downright unpleasant for women volunteers here sometimes – but I think this is an area we can do our smalllllll part – b – well im not sure – as a friend here so eloquently wrote me "how do you fix Lazy?" which adequately describes so much of the male youth – the women are of course only expected to get married in the end and be a house wife - There are 30,000 Cay Xanas around my one town – where men spend all there time and money – and lastly – c – what can we do about this problem - Nada, Hecna, nothing really – especially when my very government sweetly wooing the crooks – I think that is what really get me and make it feel so pointless here sometimes – The peace corps is supposedly so impartial – then why does a country like Azerbaijan – so developed in so many ways have ,I believe, just about the highest concentration of volunteers anywhere in the world– Ill tell you , it aint because they so desperately need them. I am disillusioned with my own government and country as much as theirs – When Rudy Giuliani, that antichrist, can actually be considered for a presidency you know we have completely went to the dogs. I had a very sad moment the other day – I have one set of friends here who I talk openly with about the government and the state of the country , an older couple who I love – They absolutely hate the new government and sees it for what it is – and I gather there are only a couple camps here – those who like it, because they get benefits, those who hate it, quietly of course and those who are too afraid and brainwashed to think anything about it at all – The husband is always ranting and she is always shushing him saying they will come kill him or take them off – When we talk of politics, even in their own house is always sort of hushed and secretive – He loves the US, always so great and free and helping people he says and good ol Bush– I hate the subject – how do I explain that is not all good in the US, how do I compare with out being ridiculous, would you tell a man that is dieing of starvation that your 3 crackers a day really are not that good –and lastly there is this sort of feeling of guilt at telling him that America is not the land of opportunity and freedom, it feels wrong to take it away from him – like squashing someone’s faith when it really served no purpose to do so– so I was there the other day and he turned to us with a serious question – he said, America had helped Armenia, and Georgia (there neighbors)with freedom and democracy, they were in Iraq trying to set up democracy, Why wasn’t the United States helping the Azerbaijani people? Why were they just going along with the government instead of stepping in and helping, insisting there be a real democracy, as they had in so many other places - And is was not a joke or a sarcastic question. He really wanted to know and we being the only Americans he knew he asked us - the gallant Peace Corps volunteers traveling the world giving their time to help – what do you say – " why yes the US sees fit to send hundreds of us to hang out with you and make a good impression and what not but has no real plan of helping with the bigger problems because they don’t actually care about the Azeri PEOPLE, they care about the strategic position of the country and therefore their ties with it, in other words with the government" That is a painfully thing to say and even harder to explain – So thanks American Government – Good Job! I used to dream of being in the peace corps – now I agonize over what I can really individually do here –how I can make what feels so meaningless meaningful - I don’t even associate what I do with the peace corps so much and definitely not with the United States – What I am doing here I am going to do for them – for me – So I pray disillusionment over what I’m doing here does not override what I actually can do – come on resilience – How do you reach and effect women, you do every day – how do you fix lazy – you aim at the ones of are not (the women) oh lucky me, that is two birds with one stone – and how do you ignore two entire governments – with skill and mule blinders I guess
Here is a very simplified list of the countries problems –
a. the authoritative male dominated Culture that undermines and undervalues women
b. laziness and lack of self determination and personal responsibility for ones own future
c. The government and political system
So - a – how do you change a culture, slowly – alright – it is frustrating and discouraging as well as occasionally downright unpleasant for women volunteers here sometimes – but I think this is an area we can do our smalllllll part – b – well im not sure – as a friend here so eloquently wrote me "how do you fix Lazy?" which adequately describes so much of the male youth – the women are of course only expected to get married in the end and be a house wife - There are 30,000 Cay Xanas around my one town – where men spend all there time and money – and lastly – c – what can we do about this problem - Nada, Hecna, nothing really – especially when my very government sweetly wooing the crooks – I think that is what really get me and make it feel so pointless here sometimes – The peace corps is supposedly so impartial – then why does a country like Azerbaijan – so developed in so many ways have ,I believe, just about the highest concentration of volunteers anywhere in the world– Ill tell you , it aint because they so desperately need them. I am disillusioned with my own government and country as much as theirs – When Rudy Giuliani, that antichrist, can actually be considered for a presidency you know we have completely went to the dogs. I had a very sad moment the other day – I have one set of friends here who I talk openly with about the government and the state of the country , an older couple who I love – They absolutely hate the new government and sees it for what it is – and I gather there are only a couple camps here – those who like it, because they get benefits, those who hate it, quietly of course and those who are too afraid and brainwashed to think anything about it at all – The husband is always ranting and she is always shushing him saying they will come kill him or take them off – When we talk of politics, even in their own house is always sort of hushed and secretive – He loves the US, always so great and free and helping people he says and good ol Bush– I hate the subject – how do I explain that is not all good in the US, how do I compare with out being ridiculous, would you tell a man that is dieing of starvation that your 3 crackers a day really are not that good –and lastly there is this sort of feeling of guilt at telling him that America is not the land of opportunity and freedom, it feels wrong to take it away from him – like squashing someone’s faith when it really served no purpose to do so– so I was there the other day and he turned to us with a serious question – he said, America had helped Armenia, and Georgia (there neighbors)with freedom and democracy, they were in Iraq trying to set up democracy, Why wasn’t the United States helping the Azerbaijani people? Why were they just going along with the government instead of stepping in and helping, insisting there be a real democracy, as they had in so many other places - And is was not a joke or a sarcastic question. He really wanted to know and we being the only Americans he knew he asked us - the gallant Peace Corps volunteers traveling the world giving their time to help – what do you say – " why yes the US sees fit to send hundreds of us to hang out with you and make a good impression and what not but has no real plan of helping with the bigger problems because they don’t actually care about the Azeri PEOPLE, they care about the strategic position of the country and therefore their ties with it, in other words with the government" That is a painfully thing to say and even harder to explain – So thanks American Government – Good Job! I used to dream of being in the peace corps – now I agonize over what I can really individually do here –how I can make what feels so meaningless meaningful - I don’t even associate what I do with the peace corps so much and definitely not with the United States – What I am doing here I am going to do for them – for me – So I pray disillusionment over what I’m doing here does not override what I actually can do – come on resilience – How do you reach and effect women, you do every day – how do you fix lazy – you aim at the ones of are not (the women) oh lucky me, that is two birds with one stone – and how do you ignore two entire governments – with skill and mule blinders I guess
the freedom of filth
1-12-08
So the "severest winter in 73 years" seems to be letting up – that is to say there was not any snow today and I saw the sun – Not that there is 3 feet of snow and sleet all day – but it is cold as hell and because it is usually not this cold here they are just not ready for it – there has not been any water sense last Saturday and it does not seem clear when that will let up – consequently I have not had a shower in 10 or 11 days now – luckily I have washed my hair twice in that time – once this morning with a tea pot – my mom kindly pointed out that my hair is falling out – thanks but I was trying to ignore that – maybe I should start weaving a rug ;) I road to Ganja with my dad and some siblings today to get my sister – she is in the college their – The first thing we did when we got there was go by the college and pay a bride to one of her teachers so he would release her grade – It pisses me off - I imagine it does the same to them but then it is just another part of life – she asked if it was like this in America – I said he would be fired – even if you have good marks you may have to pay for them and if your marks are crappy you can probably buy better ones. On the way out we stopped at the Nizami Gangi monument – oddly enough as we driven in we hit one section that looked just like a part of the industrial sector along the highway in Indian, a bridge , open fields with snow on them and a big factory – all except for the road which was poor – well the monument was on top of the bridge sort of – Nizami is a famous poet all over Azerbaijan – He lived from 1141 to 1209 and wrote five major epics of sorts and about the beauty of the country – or area I guess –he statue it the only statue iv seen beside the president and quotations about the beauty of an area written by him can be seen everywhere - he was said to have been born and died in the Ganja region which is why his monument it there with what is said to be his actually grave – I for one do not believe it – though there is am impressive mausoleum temple of sorts - the other large feature of the "park" is a set of life size metal working representing each of his 5 great works – they were beautiful and well done - this is set on a hill over looking the almost barren surroundings - the only dominating feature was set directly behind the statues – puffing away – no matter where you stood – the massive aluminum plat – as we had some out we talked about how it was so bad for the environment – they had pointed that out – I just wondered, watching it through a fragment of wall and a king on horse back – did they see the irony in it
So the "severest winter in 73 years" seems to be letting up – that is to say there was not any snow today and I saw the sun – Not that there is 3 feet of snow and sleet all day – but it is cold as hell and because it is usually not this cold here they are just not ready for it – there has not been any water sense last Saturday and it does not seem clear when that will let up – consequently I have not had a shower in 10 or 11 days now – luckily I have washed my hair twice in that time – once this morning with a tea pot – my mom kindly pointed out that my hair is falling out – thanks but I was trying to ignore that – maybe I should start weaving a rug ;) I road to Ganja with my dad and some siblings today to get my sister – she is in the college their – The first thing we did when we got there was go by the college and pay a bride to one of her teachers so he would release her grade – It pisses me off - I imagine it does the same to them but then it is just another part of life – she asked if it was like this in America – I said he would be fired – even if you have good marks you may have to pay for them and if your marks are crappy you can probably buy better ones. On the way out we stopped at the Nizami Gangi monument – oddly enough as we driven in we hit one section that looked just like a part of the industrial sector along the highway in Indian, a bridge , open fields with snow on them and a big factory – all except for the road which was poor – well the monument was on top of the bridge sort of – Nizami is a famous poet all over Azerbaijan – He lived from 1141 to 1209 and wrote five major epics of sorts and about the beauty of the country – or area I guess –he statue it the only statue iv seen beside the president and quotations about the beauty of an area written by him can be seen everywhere - he was said to have been born and died in the Ganja region which is why his monument it there with what is said to be his actually grave – I for one do not believe it – though there is am impressive mausoleum temple of sorts - the other large feature of the "park" is a set of life size metal working representing each of his 5 great works – they were beautiful and well done - this is set on a hill over looking the almost barren surroundings - the only dominating feature was set directly behind the statues – puffing away – no matter where you stood – the massive aluminum plat – as we had some out we talked about how it was so bad for the environment – they had pointed that out – I just wondered, watching it through a fragment of wall and a king on horse back – did they see the irony in it
Sunday, January 6, 2008
oh the snow
1-5-08
So its been one hell of a day today – I woke up to the wonder of snow – yea – being from South Carolina that’s exciting – and then made the wise decision to go for a walk in the woods – the only wood in town – which are slowly being chopped up for firewood by the local IDP’s – Of course this morning there was more slush on the road than snow – If I had been smart, after the first big truck roared past and coated me with that very same sludge, I would have turned around and headed home – I did not - I went to the circle – the main part of town – to meet Ryan – he was a little late and as I stood in the snow, by the road waiting I realized the snow somehow made the men even more atrocious than usual – I guess seeing a woman standing alone in the cold snow make then think she is extra vulnerable and willing to get in their car – or maybe they think the prostitutes come out in the snow – who can tell – As soon as I saw Ryan I took off so I would not have to stand in front of the stores and be propositioned and was happily harassed some more crossing the bridge as well as re-drenched in twice as much freezing road sludge – I was so grumpy by the time Ryan caught up with me on the other side I could not even take joy in an innocent mouse – actually a huge orange mouse – see the memorial park we passed through had a Christmas thing set up that that has had people in costumes out there for a week or two – for some reason the only thing out there today was a huge neon orange mouse – but all I could think about was the creepy Azeri man lurking underneath. God it was a good start – luckily the woods were glorious, empty and beautiful – I stomped home happy and full of joy again – took off my nice leather, mink oil, so water proof, boots – only to realize my feet were so cold because evidently they were not so water proof – but at least I was home – oh wait – somehow in my tramping too hell, through the woods and back I had lost my keys – the only ones to get into my room at the house and my work key – shit! I then proceeded to venture back out – this time in tennis shoes, destined to be soaked – to hopelessly and futilely wandering searching the ground for my key – fat chance and it was – Drudging back home I realized the only thing that make men worse than snow is a forlorn looking woman staring at the ground as she walks – I actually picked up a Mercedes car stalker in broad daylight – In the end thank god for my family – they told me it was all fine – told me to eat and my dad and uncles proceeded to kick my door down – literally – Thank you amie – a good uncle and a good man - J so in the end I was as happy a pea – sort of – The snow is still falling strong and ice is taking over – by morning it will probably be a regular winter wonderland – and cold as hell – I do hope my boots are dry and I can find some cloths that fit
On a happy not for all who love communes – Jason seems to have started one at his house – the commune is a little too much group love and togetherness for me but it is not bad and produces lots of good food – it has been decided the next step it to start collecting guns and move from commune to compound – oh I see where this is going – better make sure I slip out before the cool-aid is served
So its been one hell of a day today – I woke up to the wonder of snow – yea – being from South Carolina that’s exciting – and then made the wise decision to go for a walk in the woods – the only wood in town – which are slowly being chopped up for firewood by the local IDP’s – Of course this morning there was more slush on the road than snow – If I had been smart, after the first big truck roared past and coated me with that very same sludge, I would have turned around and headed home – I did not - I went to the circle – the main part of town – to meet Ryan – he was a little late and as I stood in the snow, by the road waiting I realized the snow somehow made the men even more atrocious than usual – I guess seeing a woman standing alone in the cold snow make then think she is extra vulnerable and willing to get in their car – or maybe they think the prostitutes come out in the snow – who can tell – As soon as I saw Ryan I took off so I would not have to stand in front of the stores and be propositioned and was happily harassed some more crossing the bridge as well as re-drenched in twice as much freezing road sludge – I was so grumpy by the time Ryan caught up with me on the other side I could not even take joy in an innocent mouse – actually a huge orange mouse – see the memorial park we passed through had a Christmas thing set up that that has had people in costumes out there for a week or two – for some reason the only thing out there today was a huge neon orange mouse – but all I could think about was the creepy Azeri man lurking underneath. God it was a good start – luckily the woods were glorious, empty and beautiful – I stomped home happy and full of joy again – took off my nice leather, mink oil, so water proof, boots – only to realize my feet were so cold because evidently they were not so water proof – but at least I was home – oh wait – somehow in my tramping too hell, through the woods and back I had lost my keys – the only ones to get into my room at the house and my work key – shit! I then proceeded to venture back out – this time in tennis shoes, destined to be soaked – to hopelessly and futilely wandering searching the ground for my key – fat chance and it was – Drudging back home I realized the only thing that make men worse than snow is a forlorn looking woman staring at the ground as she walks – I actually picked up a Mercedes car stalker in broad daylight – In the end thank god for my family – they told me it was all fine – told me to eat and my dad and uncles proceeded to kick my door down – literally – Thank you amie – a good uncle and a good man - J so in the end I was as happy a pea – sort of – The snow is still falling strong and ice is taking over – by morning it will probably be a regular winter wonderland – and cold as hell – I do hope my boots are dry and I can find some cloths that fit
On a happy not for all who love communes – Jason seems to have started one at his house – the commune is a little too much group love and togetherness for me but it is not bad and produces lots of good food – it has been decided the next step it to start collecting guns and move from commune to compound – oh I see where this is going – better make sure I slip out before the cool-aid is served
Friday, January 4, 2008
where the poor carrot farmers in the village have to wash carrots - in a mub pit with ducks barefoot stomping on them
The eglish language club threw us a christmas/new years party
pretty lights of baki out of my hotel window
part of the gafgas mountains - I can see it from my house on a clear day and not a all some others
making homemade vodka
people drying wool on the pavment outside of what used to be a theatre during soviet times - its now full of idps living
Oh and we got our first bit of snow/hail today - but mostly just wet :(
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