Monday, December 24, 2007
Saturday, December 1, 2007
death - oh what a pain
I went to my first funeral the other day – well at least part of one – Funerals here are as multilayered as weddings are – Me and Famila were joking that the two hardest things to do in Azerbaian are get married and Die. When someone dies there are 7 initial days of morning the 7th being the biggest, followed by every Thursday for four Thursdays then the 40th day after is import ad they are technically in morning with no TV, music, etc for the 40 days then on the year anniversary there are celebrations. The brother of my moms sister in law, who loves bbeside us, died. It was due to blood sugar, not surprising and I here common here. My mom invited me to go on the 7th day. She said she wanted me to see what Azeri funerals were like and it made the deceased happy to see a lot of people come to morn. Funerals are segregated here. The initial burial, is by the men. They carry the body to the cemetery and bury it and the women are not allowed. A big tent is set up out side the house, the men gather her, the women in the house. The hire a agucu for the women – someone who can sing and sings sad sonds, know a little religion so she can talk about it and then just talk about the persons and their life. For the men’s tent a Molla, or one of the "holy men" from the mosque (mascid) is hired. Each day they feed all they people who come and then people donate money to help cover the cost of feeding everyone and the funeral, etc. A list of people and how much they gave is kept and then given to the nearest relative or who ever at the end. I cant tell you what the men do – though I would imaging it involves drinking cay and vodka, and I am told not crying because it is considered unmanly. But the women’s side is intense to say the least. When I went it was a small apartment, a foyer, kitchen, and then two other rooms, both rectangular but one longer than the other. I cant be sure of what the two rooms were initial because they had been cleared of all there stuff and for good reason. All of the rooms formed a sort of circle, where you could walk from the foyer, to kitchen to smaller room to larger and then back into foyer without ever backtracking. And this is what people did of sorts. They would all pile in in groups through the kitchen and into the smaller room. There the group would pack 30 to 40 women all sitting on the floor literally on top of each other. Here the would sit through around or chanting, singing, prayers and crying. At the end of one round everyone would stand up and in true Azeri fashion bum rush the door to the slightly larger room. In this room the wife, immediate family and agucu were sitting. They al sat on the floor with blankets covering their laps. The goal was to pass through and pay their respects. Some then would come back to the room and start over and some new women would come in. It was a none stop cycle from early morning till about 5 in the evening. There were probably over 100 women packed into this small are at all times. All looking morning, some outright sobbing, some beating their chests. The neighbors apartment had been cleared out and table brought in to feed people in shifts. Unfortunately I was unaware of what was going on. After the other apartment I was looking forward to sitting down and eating peacefully for a few moments. They herded me in rushed food out and then before I knew it were shuffling me back out. There were so many people everyone had to speed eat.
It was intense enough to make me cry and I have no idea who the man was or what he was like. All of this made me think about it. Was it healthy, is it better to morn openly with a group and let it out than to horde it like our society seems too. It would seem yea, logically I think it is better to morn openly, to let it out and let everyone see, to have such a strong support network. However, the fact that it even made me cry mad me wonder how many of the people were crying because they actually felt something or was it just reactionary. Toward the end I was crying because I was watching my aunt and then started thinking about how I would loose it if I lost my brother. But then I guess even that is fine, tears are tears and they are good. The problem to me is this. Afterward I went to Famila and she was explaining what I did not understand while I was there. She said that it has in large become a facade. If you do not cry enough, throw a big enough shindig, serve good enough food, it will be said you sis not care for the person who has died, making it impossible to tell what is true emotion and what is an act in order to save face. It is just a shame to me that in societies all around the world people are not just allowed to feel the emotions they feel, always having to pin them in or force them out, always having to put on shows and fronts, that even in the face of death we cant learn to just live and let live.
It was intense enough to make me cry and I have no idea who the man was or what he was like. All of this made me think about it. Was it healthy, is it better to morn openly with a group and let it out than to horde it like our society seems too. It would seem yea, logically I think it is better to morn openly, to let it out and let everyone see, to have such a strong support network. However, the fact that it even made me cry mad me wonder how many of the people were crying because they actually felt something or was it just reactionary. Toward the end I was crying because I was watching my aunt and then started thinking about how I would loose it if I lost my brother. But then I guess even that is fine, tears are tears and they are good. The problem to me is this. Afterward I went to Famila and she was explaining what I did not understand while I was there. She said that it has in large become a facade. If you do not cry enough, throw a big enough shindig, serve good enough food, it will be said you sis not care for the person who has died, making it impossible to tell what is true emotion and what is an act in order to save face. It is just a shame to me that in societies all around the world people are not just allowed to feel the emotions they feel, always having to pin them in or force them out, always having to put on shows and fronts, that even in the face of death we cant learn to just live and let live.
one more shot
11-23-07/11-24-07 Im sitting in my room retyping something that I have already typed. I hate doing that. The rats are hard at work above my head. Technically I am retyping it because the file was ruined. This is because my computer is very old and I have not been the easiest on it. So it has become a little temperamental. It occasionally turns itself off flashing a rainbow of colors and screaming at the top of its lungs until I take its battery out all together. It particularly dislikes the power to go out, which ultimate leads to it dying before I can turn it off because the battery is shot. Unfortunately for me the power truly enjoys turning off. As a matter of fact we have been playing the peekaboo came for the last couple of hours. It will turn off, wait a while, flash on an off occasionally, every once in a while turning on just long enough to make you think it is for real then go off again. I am praying it is for real this time. Literally I am going to type it aging because I think it is an important point. Here goes….Oh shit, we have started the flashouts again, and the bulbs keep pulsating. Just as I really got comfortable. I can just imagine the men in the room with the switches. What a sense of humor they must have. off – on – off – on – off - ooooooooooooon, no just kidding off alright on/off, gotcha good that time. Oh what jokesters. Maybe this would be better attempted another time but then it being winter there might not be a different time, but I have a feeling their sense of humor will not wane anytime soon.
The subject that I feel is important enough for me to groundhog day it through is that of the Azeris family, My family any family. They amaze me. No nothing bad. I am continuously amazed by their - ok I give up – bye 11-25-07 – al right as I was saying, I am constantly amazed by their closeness, physically and mentally. I am awed and inspired anew every night. My family spend all day every day in CLOSE proximity with each other. The eat, study, socialize, attend school, sleep, and ply with each other. The only thing they don’t do out right together is take showers and go to the bathroom, thank god. A member of the family is new without at least one other member. My four sisters all sleep in one room, beds pushed together so there is enough room. My little brother, 8 , sleep in the room with my parents. Only I have a room to myself which I am sure someone gave up for me to be here. Every night they gather in the living room. All of them, spending time, studying, laughing, joking, always joking, occasionally watching television, singing, and chatting. What is amazing is how happy they ALL are about is. Even more startling, if the TV is on they don’t fight over channels, and they are even willing to ignore and talk over the TV, risking missing something in that made up world for interacting with each other. – Not commonly seen in the US - None of them act as if they want to be somewhere else, no one is upset of mad, unless my brother happens to throw a fit. However that seems to be how all young boys are here. I sat and listened to them last night, even as the power turned off and on every 5 min, laughing, singing and just enjoying each other. Not bitching and bickering. I can just imagine an average American family in the same situation. Its as follows:
Unhappy to start with (no TV, game boy, friends or electricity) but make a half hearted attempt to interact, and by interact I mean entertain themselves at someone else’s expense > Soon become board and irritated > begin to bicker > Pretend Parental figure (PPF)says stop fighting > they are ignored > bickering continues and turns into fighting > PPF yells shut up > they are heeded for about two seconds before it continues and evolved in all out fighting > PPF snaps, shrieking and bellowing, which is useless by this point > The fight turns into and all inclusive brawl, complete with glass smashing, hair pulling, eye gouging, hatchet throwing, and god forbid 56 inch plasma screen TV smashing, which is when you know it is all over > Needless to say no one made it out, that is with the exception of Frances the goldfish, but he is so traumatized he has goon mute > Oh what a loss, another good goldfish lost.
Why is this? Maybe it is totally cultural, maybe there are just not enough TV channels to fight over in AZ and too many in America, maybe they still actually need each other, maybe… maybe they are not so overpowered, bombarded and distracted by so many gadgets and flashing screens that they still remember they are not the only people in the room, in the world. I have this belief that we have given up our sense of connection, to other people, species, and the environment at a whole, for what is deemed "advancement." Is it. Sure, we have more gadgets, more people have a lots of money, even more people are living in abject poverty. Sure we have amazing technology, making is possible for people to be just plain stupid. Sure more people are living to unimaginable ages, often in close to vegetable states. Sure people who would have died naturally are living, helping to contribute to our overpopulation and the destruction of the rest of the world and its creatures. Are we better off. I am reading a book called ironically enough "Monkey Dancing" It talks a lot about the environments and animals that are being destroyed and going extinct all over the world. Many of which are in lesser developed countries, don’t worry we have already turned much of our land into barren city wastelands. And we are all helping with theirs. The people who seem the least responsible are often the people who at actually doing the damage. They are often the Abject poor, living under the corrupt poor, who have NO alternative to survive. I wish I could say the exact same was true for AZ but it is not. They are living under rich, cruel, corrupt people, but their main problem now seems to be a lack of self determined motivation, brainwashing. When I think about it all I fill overwhelmingly despondent and driven all at the same time. I just wonder what the worlds will come too. I see what it is moving toward. I just hope we came all open our eyes wide enough to see beyond our own noses..
The subject that I feel is important enough for me to groundhog day it through is that of the Azeris family, My family any family. They amaze me. No nothing bad. I am continuously amazed by their - ok I give up – bye 11-25-07 – al right as I was saying, I am constantly amazed by their closeness, physically and mentally. I am awed and inspired anew every night. My family spend all day every day in CLOSE proximity with each other. The eat, study, socialize, attend school, sleep, and ply with each other. The only thing they don’t do out right together is take showers and go to the bathroom, thank god. A member of the family is new without at least one other member. My four sisters all sleep in one room, beds pushed together so there is enough room. My little brother, 8 , sleep in the room with my parents. Only I have a room to myself which I am sure someone gave up for me to be here. Every night they gather in the living room. All of them, spending time, studying, laughing, joking, always joking, occasionally watching television, singing, and chatting. What is amazing is how happy they ALL are about is. Even more startling, if the TV is on they don’t fight over channels, and they are even willing to ignore and talk over the TV, risking missing something in that made up world for interacting with each other. – Not commonly seen in the US - None of them act as if they want to be somewhere else, no one is upset of mad, unless my brother happens to throw a fit. However that seems to be how all young boys are here. I sat and listened to them last night, even as the power turned off and on every 5 min, laughing, singing and just enjoying each other. Not bitching and bickering. I can just imagine an average American family in the same situation. Its as follows:
Unhappy to start with (no TV, game boy, friends or electricity) but make a half hearted attempt to interact, and by interact I mean entertain themselves at someone else’s expense > Soon become board and irritated > begin to bicker > Pretend Parental figure (PPF)says stop fighting > they are ignored > bickering continues and turns into fighting > PPF yells shut up > they are heeded for about two seconds before it continues and evolved in all out fighting > PPF snaps, shrieking and bellowing, which is useless by this point > The fight turns into and all inclusive brawl, complete with glass smashing, hair pulling, eye gouging, hatchet throwing, and god forbid 56 inch plasma screen TV smashing, which is when you know it is all over > Needless to say no one made it out, that is with the exception of Frances the goldfish, but he is so traumatized he has goon mute > Oh what a loss, another good goldfish lost.
Why is this? Maybe it is totally cultural, maybe there are just not enough TV channels to fight over in AZ and too many in America, maybe they still actually need each other, maybe… maybe they are not so overpowered, bombarded and distracted by so many gadgets and flashing screens that they still remember they are not the only people in the room, in the world. I have this belief that we have given up our sense of connection, to other people, species, and the environment at a whole, for what is deemed "advancement." Is it. Sure, we have more gadgets, more people have a lots of money, even more people are living in abject poverty. Sure we have amazing technology, making is possible for people to be just plain stupid. Sure more people are living to unimaginable ages, often in close to vegetable states. Sure people who would have died naturally are living, helping to contribute to our overpopulation and the destruction of the rest of the world and its creatures. Are we better off. I am reading a book called ironically enough "Monkey Dancing" It talks a lot about the environments and animals that are being destroyed and going extinct all over the world. Many of which are in lesser developed countries, don’t worry we have already turned much of our land into barren city wastelands. And we are all helping with theirs. The people who seem the least responsible are often the people who at actually doing the damage. They are often the Abject poor, living under the corrupt poor, who have NO alternative to survive. I wish I could say the exact same was true for AZ but it is not. They are living under rich, cruel, corrupt people, but their main problem now seems to be a lack of self determined motivation, brainwashing. When I think about it all I fill overwhelmingly despondent and driven all at the same time. I just wonder what the worlds will come too. I see what it is moving toward. I just hope we came all open our eyes wide enough to see beyond our own noses..
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